It’s been a long time since my last post as I’ve been away, the other side of the world in New Zealand. I’ve had a week of jet lag but am now getting back to normal ( whatever that actually is for me?). The jet lag wasn’t just about sleep which I got into shape quite quickly but was more brain fog. Taking an active interest in my mental state I found it quite fascinating. It must be a bit similar to dementia, for example I forgot where we had put things in our new kitchen and was acting as if it was our old kitchen. It was very hard to make decisions and getting back into music practice was VERY hard. Both my teachers had warned me, so I didn’t beat myself up and started off very slow and increased, again, very slowly, the number of minutes I put in day by day. Today, 10 days after we touched down was the first day I was able to do the full practice (20,20,20 mins piano and 20, 20 mins cello)
I am never too happy about going away and this was a very major trip to take, but overall I see it as a GOOD THING. I know most people love holidays, I just don’t and that probably will never change, but I am getting better at tolerating the travel aspect. I am also getting better at knowing which bits I enjoy and which I don’t and so gearing towards them. If it was up to me alone, I would probably never bother, but my husband and society’s expectations mean that we will continue.
Other than all the usual stuff for holidays such as lots of walking with lovely scenery, lovely plants and wildlife, eating out (managed to still eat fairly healthly which was quite a challenge at times, but pleased with myself for that) there was other stuff to deal with, namely, people. We met up with some 2 sets of family members which went very well and was my personal highlight and reason for going. We stayed a few nights with some of my husband’s relatives which was enjoyable but I was glad I kept it fairly brief.
Finally it was very weird to drive relatively close to my estranged father’s location. The geographically closest I have been for years. He is now an old man, in his late 80’s, apparently fairly robust and active. We talked over the possible options of visiting him and his extended second family, with all the possible scenarios, ranging from good, bad to indifferent. I chose ACTIVELY not to visit. If anything it felt like a final goodbye for me to the Dad I loved (adored) when I was 4. That man is long gone and a visit would not bring him back. I don’t feel any animosity to the man living there, but some relatives just aren’t worth the hassle of a visit.
Finally, all that travelling, quite a while stuck in airports and I filled some of my time sketching, always a good use of my time. These are sketches made without lifting the pen from the page.
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