One of the insights I picked up in therapy is that stuff I can get really wound up about is often not originating from myself. So an extended family drama that I have struggled with, at a distance, it suddenly dawned on me that the difficult feelings I was experiencing belonged to someone else, with my ridiculous hyper empathy, I am the one that talks about it, ruminates on it and seems unable to resolve it, but all these feelings really belong elsewhere.
Identifying that the source of the conflict is between two other people and to do with their sibling loyalty, present and absent between each other has been the first step. (It is like the drama between the siblings in Succession, they love each other but then in the next step, betray or let each other down). I CAN’T resolve other people’s issues! They have to address it themselves (or brush it back under the carpet where it has resided for so many years!) It is not my business!
Basically, an in-law family weekend has been planned, including the family member that I believe to have behaved as a sexual predator to others in the past, the one that all the other siblings insist is “normal” and a great guy. I can’t face being around him and the other siblings . I can’t put a mask on and go along with the normalising of his behavior. I’ve discussed it with my husband, he will go and will have to take his unresolved, undealt with, feelings along. By staying away (just not being available) I will be forming my own silent protest. A bit of me wants to support my husband but that would mean me pretending to support the status quo and I just can’t do that. I will be the absent elephant in the room, deep down, they will know why I’m not turning up but will choose to “not know”.
Being hypersensitive to other’s issues is a blessing and a curse!
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